Monday, May 25, 2009

28 going on...28

Each year my birthday creeps up faster and faster. I remember being 12, and counting down the days from February until my May 27th birthday. I remember thinking how different life would be when I was 13. The funny part is that it really didn't change a whole lot. I was miraculously the same person, at 13, on May 28, that I was at age 12, on May 26.

In fact, I always sort of felt like it took me a while to "grow into" my age. When someone would remind me that I was 13, or 16, or 18, or 21, it felt like that age was beyond my reach, and that I surely would have to grow up some to fit it. As I entered my twenties, I always felt this driving pressure to be older, to adjust to my age. I felt driven in my education, my career, my relationship...I felt driven financially to become the adult that everyone clearly expected me to be.

28 feels different. I look around, and I see my home. Yes, I love my home. I treasure it. It's not big, and it needs work, but I adore this little house. I love my husband. I love my career, and I love that it is currently on hold while I wait for my next adventure--motherhood. I have great friends, and my health is ever-improving.

For the first time in my life, though, I feel older than my age.

Not in a bad way. I guess I maybe just feel like I'm on pace, or maybe even a little ahead of the game. I'm really not, but I feel like the last two years have been absolutely crazy. I went from being engaged to no longer being a "newlywed". I went from being childless, to "expecting". I went from being relatively new to my career, to being someone who got a phone call just the other day from another practitioner, because she needed to refer a client to someone more "experienced". What a trip.

I drive a minivan.

It's all downhill from here. So, I might as well throw my arms up and scream with glee. :P

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Returning from my hiatus...

Hello, all.

So, I'm back. My personal life pretty much imploded there for a little while, and I needed a little time to get my head together, but I think I'm ready to start blogging again. I'm sure you're all breathing a collective sigh of relief. Control yourselves.

So, as I said, things got a little hairy...There were some definite family issues happening, not the least of which included my mother being diagnosed with colon cancer, from which, after surgery, she is recovering nicely. My hubby and I area also adopting, as I've mentioned, and it is a journey not for the faint of heart. Every day I become a little more emotionally invested, and I am falling in love with these little people who I don't even know yet...I never thought I could love anything this much. Ever. And I haven't even seen them yet. However, the process is harrowing, and I suppose on some level, it is meant to make you grateful for these amazing little creatures, who we have the honor of raising into big creatures. I will say this, though. If the government were any slower, they'd be moving backward.

Our particular type of adoption is classified as "public domestic", meaning we are adopting children who are in the care of the provincial government currently (in foster care). The ages range from babies to 16 year olds. They are special kids, who need a lot of love. There are 22000 kids in care in Canada. 1500 will find permanency. I was presented with that statistic a mere 3 days ago, and keep rolling it over in my mind, hoping for it to sound better. It never gets better. That is simply too many children, not enough willing parents.

In other news, my yard is getting more gorgeous, day by day. Yesterday I finished perfecting my compost and adding a bit of starter to it, and we have planted some lovely fruit trees in the hopes of having a small orchard in our ordinary suburban yard. I am loving playing in the dirt more and more every day. It's so rewarding somehow.

Anyway, the things that are consuming me at the moment have a lot to do with my kids, so bear with me. I know what it's like to listen to expectant mothers talk about nothing but their children...I'm not medically pregnant, but I am emotionally pregnant. So, here is a little something to show that I understand: